It was the eye contact that was a problem, i realised. i could not help close my eyes or look away. i felt ashamed, embarrassed every time, exposed, as if he was looking into my soul.
And he was and enjoyed it. And he would not let me close my eyes, or look away. “Don’t ever hide anything from me,” he would say, making me look at him. He would not allow me to be embarrassed or ashamed of my arousal, my own feelings, my desire to submit.
“Don’t. Ever. Hide.”