About This Site and Its Author
About the Site
This site is a place where I share my views on loving and sensual Domination and submission and other power exchange relationships. It is a place where I hope to engage followers in new ways of thinking about D/s, inform, and exchange ideas. I welcome comments, questions and input provided it is polite and constructive. This is not a hardcore BDSM blog but rather one that tries to focus on the mental, emotional, physical, sensual and sexual aspects of loving D/s.
Originally, over the course of the first 480 posts, this site told a story of a fictional couple attempting to engage in an admittedly flawed Loving D/s relationship. The characters and situations depicted were fictional and were not intended to reflect the preferences or behaviors of the author who at times was enamored with, and at other times abhorred, the thinking and actions of his characters. Above all, the story was not intended to be a description of how I believe a model D/s relationship should be. Far from it. It was an exploration of the genre that celebrated the good and beauty of D/s but also depicted and explored the potential for a darker side of such a relationship and the people in them.
I drew inspiration from the photos I found on the net of which there seemed to be an endless supply and to which I lay no claim of credit. I chose to use the black and white medium because to me it best captured the stark contrasts of the Loving D/s relationship of darkness and light and the complex shades of grey in between.
On that note, this site was originally intended to be an answer to the female devotees of the “50 Shades of Grey” trilogy by E.L. James who were seeking an outlet for their newfound curiosity about Domination and submission. However, I have subsequently read the first two of the series and take great exception to the nature of the relationship they portray much as I do to elements of my own fictional story. They are not a model for the proper conduct of D/s relationships and should not be used as a guide to newcomers. If you are at all interested on my views of how “50 Shades” contrasts with a good D/s relationship you may find them in The Reading Room. If you are interested in learning more about D/s relationships from reputable and knowledgeable sources please have a look at the links and books in The Reference Room.
As time has gone on I have decided to leave the original story behind and focus instead on my views of a good and healthy D/s relationship. The site will continue to be a place where vanilla women whose latent desires have been awakened for being submissive to another and all that it entails can explore their curiosity and urges and express themselves in their sexuality. It is a place to play with and explore the negotiated power exchange of the D/s relationship without commitment or fear.
The Author’s Perspective
The Loving D/s relationship is one of the most sacred and powerful connections that can exist between two human beings. It is not brutal, cruel or demeaning as many vanilla observers and wannabe fetish doms believe or even as at times depicted in this blog’s original storyline. Instead, it is built on respect, trust and devotion; indeed, love of another human being.
In the case of a Dom male and submissive female, the relationship is often interpreted as sexist and/or anti-feminist; portraying women as objects to be subverted. On the contrary, sexually submissive women who choose this path consensually are some of the strongest-willed and intelligent women to be found anywhere. Ironically, a submissive in a consensual D/s relationship wields much of the actual power because she only gives what she wants to her Master, which is often quite a lot, but nothing more. And her Master does not take anything that is not willingly and freely given, though the sub may not be aware she was capable of giving so much until it actually occurs. Limits are set and respected, but boundaries are tested and at times expanded. It is a complex, empathic and beautiful dance between a Dom and a sub; in this instance, a man and a woman.
A good and successful Dom, in my opinion, is one who is highly intuitive in sensing the needs and feelings of others and has a very highly developed sense of empathy and strong communications skills. The fictional Dom in the story outlined in the first 480 posts to this blog was not always such a person. He knew what he should be like, but had some serious personality flaws that stood between him and his success in this realm. Even when he wanted to be, and believed himself capable of being loving and kind, his narcissism and self-centeredness at times caused him to be brutish and manipulative rather than unconditionally nurturing of his sub. He was not aware of this at all. This was the tension in the story that eventually needed to be explored and resolved one way or another. It accounted for many of his behaviors that I personally abhorred and felt have no place in a Loving D/s relationship. Nevertheless, they were worthy of exploration and let’s face it, made the story more interesting, if also a bit more edgy and potentially controversial.
I am a 40-something male who has engaged in Loving D/s relationships and/or D/s play off and on in real life for nearly three decades as the opportunity presented itself and where appropriate. I do not formally participate in “The Scene” and not all my primary relationships have been D/s in nature…some very good ones have been plain vanilla as well. This blog is intended to explore the beauty and the potential for ugliness in the Loving D/s Dance and hopefully entertain, educate, titillate, and perhaps even welcome a newcomer to the power, beauty, and at times darkness of the Loving D/s relationship.
If you have comments about the site or any of its contents, or if you have questions of any kind, feel free to submit.