Posted 1 day ago

I Need This

In my seeming never ending quest to better understand the psyche and desires of a submissive, my Muse and I often discuss what it is that drives her to want to submit to me and me alone. This is not an exercise in ego inflation and self-flagellation but rather a genuine curiosity and deep seated craving to understand and really know this urge to submit. Because to know the true heart of a submissive is to be best armed to fulfill her desires…and consequently my own.

My Muse is no shrinking violet. She is opinionated, occasionally stubborn and takes charge of her life and those around her. She is anything but submissive in the course of her daily life. Yet something drives her to want to submit utterly and completely to me; heart, mind, body and spirit. As she puts it, “Take me, I am yours. Entirely.” As I often describe, the feelings and emotions of being on the receiving end of such ardent and heart-felt desire is profoundly moving and an awesome responsibility. It is at once a fulfilling and humbling experience. But what would drive an otherwise self-sufficient, capable and assertive woman to want this? I don’t pretend to fully understand, but I make every effort to find out, and I am learning as I go.

What I find most intriguing when speaking with submissives, or those who think they want to be a submissive in a D/s relationship, is that there seems to be one unifying truth. Submission for them is not a curiosity or something to be toyed with. It is not a passing fancy or a short-term response to a titillating novel or pornographic imagery. Submission is an intense desire and yet most often not something they want to experience across the full spectrum of their lives. In fact, most often the desire is laser focussed on one person, one special dominant partner that draws out their submission and gives it flight. When asked, “Why do you want this?” the responses may sound different but most often come down to this, “I don’t want this. I need this.” My Muse describes it as a “primal need,” something that she simply has to have to feel whole and complete.

My Muse can give me all sorts of explanations why she feels that I am the only one to whom she would kneel, but that has more to do with my personal traits and the complimentary bond that has evolved and been carefully nurtured between us than about her actual reason for submission. Probing further, a laundry list of reasons that would be familiar to anyone who has made the effort to understand submission in the D/s sense emerges. “I feel loved, cared for, safe, protected, worthy, challenged, guided, needed, free of decisions, nurtured, desired. It pleases me to please and serve you. I just want to be taken…completely,” and the list goes on. All excellent reasons to want to engage in a healthy D/s relationship as a submissive. But there are other forms of human interaction and relationships that can provide any or all of these rewarding feelings. The question remains, “What drives you to want to submit?”

Inevitably at this point the conversation turns to all manner of messy intangibles like upbringing, household environment, childhood issues, abandonment, fear of rejection, etc., etc., etc. Oh this is one very deep rabbit hole. And while exploration of these influences have been very helpful in understanding what drives us as people and how we react and interact in relationships, it rarely if ever answers the fundamental question; “What drives you to want to submit?”

At the end of the day, the answer is always the same, as elegant in its simplicity as it is vexing for its lack of clarity: “I don’t know, I just know to the core of my being that I need this.”

I have spent a lot of time thinking about my own motivations as a Dom, trying to understand what drives me to want to be dominant over another in a loving, intimate and sexual relationship. I ponder these things frequently and write endlessly in an effort to sort it all out. While I feel that I have come to a fairly comprehensive understanding of what I desire from a D/s relationship and how I feel it should be conducted, those are tactics not strategy. At the end of the day I know little about why I have this craving to lead in a Dominant manner. I don’t know what drives me to want to be in control without being controlling, to dominate without being domineering. I do not know what compels me to expand the boundaries of my sexual expression using BDSM as part of my artistic palette. When asked by my Muse and others, “What compels you to want to be a Dom?” my answer probably sounds rather familiar.

"I don’t know, I just know that I need this.”

In the end though, the “why” is simply not that important. We just do.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013

Image © Rachel DesBois

Posted 4 days ago
"Kneel on the chair, hands against the wall," I whisper horsely in your ear as you stand half naked, back to me, staring dutifully straight ahead. My fingers play through your hair and across your shoulders as you momentarily contemplate your next move.
You step away from me to comply and in so doing feel the warmth of my breath on your neck replaced by the cool air of the room and shudder. From the cold? Anticipation? Perhaps a twinge of separation anxiety at our physical parting? Fear? No, you know there is nothing to be feared here, the trust that has been earned between us is our strongest bond and thus far proven to be unshakable. No, this is unadulterated anticipation. You have no idea what is going to come next, you never really do. But you have every confidence that whatever it might be, no matter how long or difficult the journey, there is always profit and reward from it in the end.
As you kneel on the deeply cushioned chair, knees apart as I would desire, you reach for the wall, back arched, ass out; presenting yourself to me in precisely the manner you have been taught. It is these small gestures, these little moments of exacting submission that cause my heart to swell the most with pride and desire. You have taken your submission seriously and carry it forth with great devotion and sense of accomplishment. When we are in this place together, your desire to please and be pleasing knows few bounds. While I have worked very hard to earn this submissive desire from you, not a day goes by that I do not feel a profound sense of gratitude to have been chosen to lead you every bit as much as I have chosen you to serve. We are a beautifully matched set as Dominant and submissive.
"Tonight there will be no bonds my Muse beyond the emotions that bind us together; no silk ties, no cuffs, no rope," I whisper, leaning over you and drawing in your scent through flared nostrils. "Tonight I want nothing but your will; that beautiful, stunning, powerful will that you exercise each and every time you come to me. You will hold perfectly still my Muse, no matter what. Perfectly still. Is that clear?"
"Yes Sir," you respond in barely a whisper, shallow breath quickening.
Straightening your hair back over your shoulders, I reach for your hands now pressed firmly against the wall, and ever so slowly trail my fingertips lightly across the backs of them and down your arms. A cascade of imperceptible little shivers rolls down your arms raising the nearly invisible hairs in their wake. I am bringing you to life, waking your body, raising its tempo to match that of your already racing mind. You shiver slightly and sigh in contented anticipation. Continuing their journey, my finger tips trail beneath your arms and along the sides of your beautifully curving breasts still contained in their revealing top. You squirm slightly as they trail down your sides leaving a delicious torment of pleasure and ticklishness in their wake.
"Be still my Muse."
"Yes Sir," you respond, head leaning against an upraised arm, eyes closed, lower lip clenched between your teeth.
"You are such a lip biter my Muse. I love that about you," I whisper in your ear, trailing my hooked fingers back and forth along the top of your silky panties, lowering them ever so lightly with each pass. "Christian Grey is an idiot. Bite your lip as much as you like my Muse." From long experience I have learned that when you bite your lip, sure as the tides, you will shortly be wet and aching with anticipation.
Lower and lower I ease your panties, gliding the knuckles of my hooked fingers back and forth across the swell of your shapely ass as I do, subtly signaling where I intend to focus my attentions this night. You moan as my hands draw back and forth, closer and closer to your sex, your heat radiating against my fingers as they pass. Instinctively you arch further, pressing toward me, exposing yourself to my attentions. Another green light. Another welcome sign. A quiet begging for more.
With panties only partially removed I pull my hands away from you and step back to admire the sight before me. You are partially exposed to both my sight and my touch, yet fully available for my every whim. But I choose to leave the panties there, half on, half off. The press of the satiny material against your hips is a powerful reminder to you of your exposure, sensuality and vulnerability. I am well aware that by leaving them there, you feel more naked than if I had removed them entirely. They are a marker, a sign of the power I have over you through the submission you grant me.
Bending over, I glide my smooth hands up and down your soft creamy thighs. Up and down from knee to the wisp of the satin draped beneath your sex. Without thought you arch and press, leaning into me.
<SMACK!>
"Be still my Muse," I chide, the single stinging slap to your inner thigh racing like a lightening bolt to your already throbbing clit. "Your instructions are not to move."
"Yes Sir, I am sorry Sir," you respond gasping at the shock of the unexpected slap.
Slowly I drag my fingernails across the quivering skin of your legs from the crease of your knee higher and higher across the rounded mounds of your ass and back down the sides of your legs. Repeat. Over and over again. Expanding my reach. Covering your legs, inner thighs, ass and hips with red trail marks from my nails. Subtly marking you. Taking my ownership.
Reaching for your the back of your neck I plant my nails in your skin and slowly drag them down your back, through the valley of your arch, and across the mountains of your ass. Eight red parallel trails blazed by my fingers. Marking my territory. They will be there for hours on your tender skin…an oddly painful pleasant reminder of your ownership and use.
Reaching behind the white satin, I cup your hot sex gently in my curved hand, middle fingertip resting on your swollen hard clit. You start at the unexpected direct contact to your moist lips and struggle to be still as I rest my hand motionlessly there, cupping and cradling you. But after so much anticipation, the motionless touch is more torture than pleasure. Through halting breath, clenched eyes, bitten lip, you roll your head back and forth instinctively rocking your hips seeking some form of stimulation. But there is no relief. My hand simply rests there moving with you, no relative motion between us.
Your breathing becomes more insistent, more desperate. “Please…” you murmur through clenched teeth.
"Be still my Muse," I urge softly.
For a moment you try. You become perfectly still. But it cannot last, you are holding your breath to do so. With a gasp of exhaled effort, you renew your rocking and pressing but to no avail. My hand, cupped against you simply goes along for the ride providing no satisfaction for your urgent desire.
"Please…Sir….please…" but you receive no verbal reply.
Instead you feel a stinging slap to your ass delivered by my free hand. The sudden and unexpected sensation ignites a fire across your ass and straight to your throbbingly cradled clit. You buck and press anew.
"I said be still!" I command. You freeze for a moment, perhaps in hopes that by doing so you might be rewarded. Or perhaps it is just your desire to please. The reason is of no importance to me though because I know full well it cannot last.
Still cupping your overheated sex in one hand I begin a steady slow rhythm of stinging slaps to your exposed ass. Not so hard as to make you cry out but firm enough to make an impression. Back and forth, left and right, the blows land on your reddening and quivering cheeks. While my other hand stays perfectly motionless over your now soaked lips and throbbing clit, the reaction to each stinging slap is all manner of motion carrying through from your ass to your thighs to your desperately craving sex, in its own way providing the stimulant you have so craved.
One after another the rhythmic spanking continues and as it does you rock your hips back and forth, forward and back in an ever increasing tempo of excitement, arousal, and desperation. You are rolling and undulating beneath me, all sound and motion, ass and head swaying this way and that. And all the while my hand rests against you, cradling you, as you drench my fingers in your dew. Your breath comes in shallower gasps and a sheen of perspiration breaks out across your skin.
"Oh God! Sir please don’t stop…" you moan through halting breath.
But I do. As suddenly as it began, the spanking stops. You remain there, swaying and bucking, panting with desire and need. Desperate for relief and release. Then you suddenly catch yourself, straighten and do your best to remain still knowing that this is the only path through this obstacle course.
My now soaked hand still rests against your sex, lovingly and tenderly holding you. Yet that is not at all what you want. You crave motion. Sensation. More. Much more. Endlessly more in this moment. Anything but stillness.
Resolutely and with a deep breath you straighten your head, stare ahead at the wall, stiffen your back and replant your knees. A reset. Trying anew. For it is only by following direction that you receive reward. You know this. I know this. It is the game we play.
My hand cradles you. It is our only contact. As your breathing begins to settle into a more regular pattern you begin to drift. Mesmerized. Meditative almost. A calm drifts over you and the desperation begins to leave, replaced by a glow like the warm sun on a cool Spring day. You bathe in the sensations that wash over and through you. The heat in your ass, the stinging fingernail trails down your back and up your inner thighs. You become hyper sensitive and aware of every part of your body. Your mind is empty of thought and there is nothing but sensation. Wetness. Heat. Stinging. Throbbing. You remain still and statuesque in the mutual silence and stillness. Hand to sex. Our sole connection. Still. Connected. Together yet apart. You close your eyes and bathe in the sensation.
Almost imperceptibly, my soaked finger tips begin to move…
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013
Image © CA Co., Ltd.

"Kneel on the chair, hands against the wall," I whisper horsely in your ear as you stand half naked, back to me, staring dutifully straight ahead. My fingers play through your hair and across your shoulders as you momentarily contemplate your next move.

You step away from me to comply and in so doing feel the warmth of my breath on your neck replaced by the cool air of the room and shudder. From the cold? Anticipation? Perhaps a twinge of separation anxiety at our physical parting? Fear? No, you know there is nothing to be feared here, the trust that has been earned between us is our strongest bond and thus far proven to be unshakable. No, this is unadulterated anticipation. You have no idea what is going to come next, you never really do. But you have every confidence that whatever it might be, no matter how long or difficult the journey, there is always profit and reward from it in the end.

As you kneel on the deeply cushioned chair, knees apart as I would desire, you reach for the wall, back arched, ass out; presenting yourself to me in precisely the manner you have been taught. It is these small gestures, these little moments of exacting submission that cause my heart to swell the most with pride and desire. You have taken your submission seriously and carry it forth with great devotion and sense of accomplishment. When we are in this place together, your desire to please and be pleasing knows few bounds. While I have worked very hard to earn this submissive desire from you, not a day goes by that I do not feel a profound sense of gratitude to have been chosen to lead you every bit as much as I have chosen you to serve. We are a beautifully matched set as Dominant and submissive.

"Tonight there will be no bonds my Muse beyond the emotions that bind us together; no silk ties, no cuffs, no rope," I whisper, leaning over you and drawing in your scent through flared nostrils. "Tonight I want nothing but your will; that beautiful, stunning, powerful will that you exercise each and every time you come to me. You will hold perfectly still my Muse, no matter what. Perfectly still. Is that clear?"

"Yes Sir," you respond in barely a whisper, shallow breath quickening.

Straightening your hair back over your shoulders, I reach for your hands now pressed firmly against the wall, and ever so slowly trail my fingertips lightly across the backs of them and down your arms. A cascade of imperceptible little shivers rolls down your arms raising the nearly invisible hairs in their wake. I am bringing you to life, waking your body, raising its tempo to match that of your already racing mind. You shiver slightly and sigh in contented anticipation. Continuing their journey, my finger tips trail beneath your arms and along the sides of your beautifully curving breasts still contained in their revealing top. You squirm slightly as they trail down your sides leaving a delicious torment of pleasure and ticklishness in their wake.

"Be still my Muse."

"Yes Sir," you respond, head leaning against an upraised arm, eyes closed, lower lip clenched between your teeth.

"You are such a lip biter my Muse. I love that about you," I whisper in your ear, trailing my hooked fingers back and forth along the top of your silky panties, lowering them ever so lightly with each pass. "Christian Grey is an idiot. Bite your lip as much as you like my Muse." From long experience I have learned that when you bite your lip, sure as the tides, you will shortly be wet and aching with anticipation.

Lower and lower I ease your panties, gliding the knuckles of my hooked fingers back and forth across the swell of your shapely ass as I do, subtly signaling where I intend to focus my attentions this night. You moan as my hands draw back and forth, closer and closer to your sex, your heat radiating against my fingers as they pass. Instinctively you arch further, pressing toward me, exposing yourself to my attentions. Another green light. Another welcome sign. A quiet begging for more.

With panties only partially removed I pull my hands away from you and step back to admire the sight before me. You are partially exposed to both my sight and my touch, yet fully available for my every whim. But I choose to leave the panties there, half on, half off. The press of the satiny material against your hips is a powerful reminder to you of your exposure, sensuality and vulnerability. I am well aware that by leaving them there, you feel more naked than if I had removed them entirely. They are a marker, a sign of the power I have over you through the submission you grant me.

Bending over, I glide my smooth hands up and down your soft creamy thighs. Up and down from knee to the wisp of the satin draped beneath your sex. Without thought you arch and press, leaning into me.

<SMACK!>

"Be still my Muse," I chide, the single stinging slap to your inner thigh racing like a lightening bolt to your already throbbing clit. "Your instructions are not to move."

"Yes Sir, I am sorry Sir," you respond gasping at the shock of the unexpected slap.

Slowly I drag my fingernails across the quivering skin of your legs from the crease of your knee higher and higher across the rounded mounds of your ass and back down the sides of your legs. Repeat. Over and over again. Expanding my reach. Covering your legs, inner thighs, ass and hips with red trail marks from my nails. Subtly marking you. Taking my ownership.

Reaching for your the back of your neck I plant my nails in your skin and slowly drag them down your back, through the valley of your arch, and across the mountains of your ass. Eight red parallel trails blazed by my fingers. Marking my territory. They will be there for hours on your tender skin…an oddly painful pleasant reminder of your ownership and use.

Reaching behind the white satin, I cup your hot sex gently in my curved hand, middle fingertip resting on your swollen hard clit. You start at the unexpected direct contact to your moist lips and struggle to be still as I rest my hand motionlessly there, cupping and cradling you. But after so much anticipation, the motionless touch is more torture than pleasure. Through halting breath, clenched eyes, bitten lip, you roll your head back and forth instinctively rocking your hips seeking some form of stimulation. But there is no relief. My hand simply rests there moving with you, no relative motion between us.

Your breathing becomes more insistent, more desperate. “Please…” you murmur through clenched teeth.

"Be still my Muse," I urge softly.

For a moment you try. You become perfectly still. But it cannot last, you are holding your breath to do so. With a gasp of exhaled effort, you renew your rocking and pressing but to no avail. My hand, cupped against you simply goes along for the ride providing no satisfaction for your urgent desire.

"Please…Sir….please…" but you receive no verbal reply.

Instead you feel a stinging slap to your ass delivered by my free hand. The sudden and unexpected sensation ignites a fire across your ass and straight to your throbbingly cradled clit. You buck and press anew.

"I said be still!" I command. You freeze for a moment, perhaps in hopes that by doing so you might be rewarded. Or perhaps it is just your desire to please. The reason is of no importance to me though because I know full well it cannot last.

Still cupping your overheated sex in one hand I begin a steady slow rhythm of stinging slaps to your exposed ass. Not so hard as to make you cry out but firm enough to make an impression. Back and forth, left and right, the blows land on your reddening and quivering cheeks. While my other hand stays perfectly motionless over your now soaked lips and throbbing clit, the reaction to each stinging slap is all manner of motion carrying through from your ass to your thighs to your desperately craving sex, in its own way providing the stimulant you have so craved.

One after another the rhythmic spanking continues and as it does you rock your hips back and forth, forward and back in an ever increasing tempo of excitement, arousal, and desperation. You are rolling and undulating beneath me, all sound and motion, ass and head swaying this way and that. And all the while my hand rests against you, cradling you, as you drench my fingers in your dew. Your breath comes in shallower gasps and a sheen of perspiration breaks out across your skin.

"Oh God! Sir please don’t stop…" you moan through halting breath.

But I do. As suddenly as it began, the spanking stops. You remain there, swaying and bucking, panting with desire and need. Desperate for relief and release. Then you suddenly catch yourself, straighten and do your best to remain still knowing that this is the only path through this obstacle course.

My now soaked hand still rests against your sex, lovingly and tenderly holding you. Yet that is not at all what you want. You crave motion. Sensation. More. Much more. Endlessly more in this moment. Anything but stillness.

Resolutely and with a deep breath you straighten your head, stare ahead at the wall, stiffen your back and replant your knees. A reset. Trying anew. For it is only by following direction that you receive reward. You know this. I know this. It is the game we play.

My hand cradles you. It is our only contact. As your breathing begins to settle into a more regular pattern you begin to drift. Mesmerized. Meditative almost. A calm drifts over you and the desperation begins to leave, replaced by a glow like the warm sun on a cool Spring day. You bathe in the sensations that wash over and through you. The heat in your ass, the stinging fingernail trails down your back and up your inner thighs. You become hyper sensitive and aware of every part of your body. Your mind is empty of thought and there is nothing but sensation. Wetness. Heat. Stinging. Throbbing. You remain still and statuesque in the mutual silence and stillness. Hand to sex. Our sole connection. Still. Connected. Together yet apart. You close your eyes and bathe in the sensation.

Almost imperceptibly, my soaked finger tips begin to move…

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013

Image © CA Co., Ltd.

Posted 1 week ago
Home
If home is where the heart is then she is my home. My Muse and I often refer to “coming home,” “wanting to be home,” and “welcome home” when referring to this proximity to one another. Whether it is cuddling, laying on a lap, or simply spontaneously embracing, anywhere in one another’s arms is home. There is no other. And this is true of countless relationships the world over.
But for a Dominant and submissive engaged in a loving D/s relationship there is more. There is some inner drive that compels a submissive to kneel at the feet of her loving Master. It constitutes an all-consuming urge. Like swallows to Capistrano or Monarchs to Michoacan, a submissive is drawn to present herself to her Master seeking his protection, guidance, and acceptance, and in so doing fulfills her own destiny and needs. Far from exercising subversion or coercion, a Dominant need only welcome and embrace this desire. He does not force or command her to his feet. After all, who has to be commanded home?
And the amazing thing is that when my Muse kneels before me, lays her head on me, pleases me of her own accord in some manner or another, or just waits in quiet anticipation, I am home too. Everything in my being feels fulfilled in these moments. I need nothing else and desire nothing more. It is an indescribable sense of completion as though the display of her submission somehow fits the final piece of my puzzle into place. The picture is complete. I am whole. I am home.
I never tire of the paradoxes of the D/s dance. What so often looks like repression to those who have never had the pleasure of understanding and experiencing a loving D/s relationship is in fact the greatest form of attraction and acceptance. It is a mature and elegant expression of love. When she comes to me and I hold her head in my hands, gently stroking her cheek or hair, gazing deeply into her eyes, there can be no question of the depth of commitment, desire, and yes, even need that we are fulfilling in one another in this moment.
And all the moments that follow.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013
Image Credit Unknown

Home

If home is where the heart is then she is my home. My Muse and I often refer to “coming home,” “wanting to be home,” and “welcome home” when referring to this proximity to one another. Whether it is cuddling, laying on a lap, or simply spontaneously embracing, anywhere in one another’s arms is home. There is no other. And this is true of countless relationships the world over.

But for a Dominant and submissive engaged in a loving D/s relationship there is more. There is some inner drive that compels a submissive to kneel at the feet of her loving Master. It constitutes an all-consuming urge. Like swallows to Capistrano or Monarchs to Michoacan, a submissive is drawn to present herself to her Master seeking his protection, guidance, and acceptance, and in so doing fulfills her own destiny and needs. Far from exercising subversion or coercion, a Dominant need only welcome and embrace this desire. He does not force or command her to his feet. After all, who has to be commanded home?

And the amazing thing is that when my Muse kneels before me, lays her head on me, pleases me of her own accord in some manner or another, or just waits in quiet anticipation, I am home too. Everything in my being feels fulfilled in these moments. I need nothing else and desire nothing more. It is an indescribable sense of completion as though the display of her submission somehow fits the final piece of my puzzle into place. The picture is complete. I am whole. I am home.

I never tire of the paradoxes of the D/s dance. What so often looks like repression to those who have never had the pleasure of understanding and experiencing a loving D/s relationship is in fact the greatest form of attraction and acceptance. It is a mature and elegant expression of love. When she comes to me and I hold her head in my hands, gently stroking her cheek or hair, gazing deeply into her eyes, there can be no question of the depth of commitment, desire, and yes, even need that we are fulfilling in one another in this moment.

And all the moments that follow.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013

Image Credit Unknown

Posted 1 week ago

Center of Attention

One of the appealing aspects of being a submissive is the attention that a Dom showers on their sub. It is often said that submissives require more attention and can be needier than the average person. This has been true in my experience but it is not necessarily a bad thing in the context of a D/s relationship. Indeed, it could be argued that the dependence a submissive feels on their Dom dovetails perfectly with the fact that at the heart of Dominance is a desire to be needed and looked to for support, guidance and security. In essence, the Dom needs to be needed. D/s is after all a symbiotic relationship between two people on many levels.

It has also been my observation that many submissives do not like being in the spotlight in any public sense and would rather slip into the background in a crowd rather the seek attention or adulation. Yet in private with their Dom, they are in point of fact very much in the spotlight. They are the sole focus of a Dominant’s attention, words and actions. The Dom’s world revolves around the sub for at least a time and the submissive revels in this attention and seeks still more in their efforts to serve and be pleasing. The glare of the white hot spotlight of their Dom is deeply appealing and gratifying to the submissive.

The term neediness is often used to describe a negative trait in a relationship, something that should be stamped out. And yet, in the context of a D/s relationship it is not always a bad thing at all. A Dom very much needs a submissive and a sub very much needs a Dom. Without the other, they cannot fulfill their desires or their destiny. They do not feel whole. However, if neediness is motivated by negative traits and emotions such as jealously, insecurity, or a fear of rejection, then neediness takes on a very negative connotation with consequent destructive impact on the relationship. It is always good to check your motives and guard against sabataging behaviors.

As a Dom, I like to be needed and I desire very much the attention and devotion that a submissive has to offer. I feed on that energy and return it in kind by devoting my full and undivided attention to my submissive in the form of acceptance, structure and loving control, giving her precisely what she needs in return. I can be just as needy as any submissive in my own way…it is simply expressed differently.

Where this all falls apart is when a so-called Dom enters into a D/s relationship under the belief that it is solely sexual in nature, seeking only the physical manifestations of BDSM without supporting the emotional and psychological aspects of the relationship. This is a recipe for disaster and heartbreak. A needy submissive might initially feel a sense of being accepted and supported during the sexual aspects of the relationship but will quickly find themselves beating their head and heart futilely against the proverbial cold brick wall of an emotionally distant or unavailable “Dom.” In the end, such a relationship will be frustrating and unfulfilling at best and more likely outright heartbreaking. Anyone contemplating entering a D/s relationship as a Dom needs to be aware of the emotional neediness that can be anticipated in such a relationship and be capable of and prepared to handle the awesome responsibility that goes with it. Similarly, a submissive should be just as aware of their level of neediness and ensure that the Dom they choose is both capable of and willing to support and nurture those needs.

A submissive opens their heart, mind and soul to their Dominant and hands them over in the belief that they will be controlled responsibly and treated gently and tenderly. You may have full permission to beat on a submissives’ ass but it is rightly expected that you will simultaneously hold their heart and emotions safely and tenderly.

This is the essence of D/s as I see it. It is a deeply trusting and interdependent relationship that takes extraordinary levels of care and responsibility to carry out successfully. It can be a very demanding and inwardly focussed relationship in which the Dom and sub place one another squarely in the center of each others’ universe, the center of each others’ attention. It is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility, but I would have it no other way.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012

Image Credit Unknown

Posted 1 week ago
Mixing Vanilla with the D/s Spice - Opening Pandora’s Box of the Heart
(With apologies in advance for all the shop-worn analogies and literary references)
So this was supposed to be simple, right? You met online, corresponded for months, perhaps even played little long-distance D/s games until the day eventually came when you decided to close the geographic gap and meet in person. You were two of the lucky ones. That first all-too-brief meeting not only went well, it was extraordinary. You clicked in person just as you had long-distance. Remarkably, that comfort level you felt with one another online translated seamlessly to an in-person relationship. It doesn’t happen for everyone; perhaps only a few. So you met again. And again. And again.
But still this was to be quiet and uncomplicated; a D/s relationship to augment distant and already full and committed lives. Something to fill the holes in an otherwise rewarding but separate existence. Meeting each other’s needs. Fulfilling each other’s unfulfilled desires. A perfect match. One’s Yin to the other’s Yang. Equal and opposite sides of the same coin. You just fit. Kneeling and standing. Dominance and submission. Worship and reverence.
But a funny thing happened on the way to the Forum. While you were busy cooking your BDSM gumbo, the scent of vanilla kept wafting up out of the pot. When was that ingredient added? Perhaps it had always been there. But with each new taste of D/s the flavor of vanilla grew stronger and stronger. Lines became blurred. The devotion to one another as Dominant and submissive took on a whole new dimension. You found yourself equally devoted to one another as people. The people the rest of the vanilla world knew. Simply put, you were falling for each other, and falling hard. What seemed so effortless and comfortable in private suddenly became complicated and uncertain. Differences and obstacles that felt so irrelevant in the sanctity of your secret D/s world showed more starkly in the harsh and sometimes judgmental glare of the rest of your vanilla lives.
Matters of the heart have intruded on an otherwise perfect and quiet D/s union. And yet they really didn’t intrude did they? You invited those feelings in and welcomed them with open arms. And now they are here and have moved in and taken up residence. Separation between your D/s relationship and all the other relationships in your life begin to evaporate. That famous paraphrased line by Beatrice Campbell comes to mind, “It doesn’t really matter what these affectionate people do, as long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses.” Only it’s not the horses you are worried about is it? No, it’s friends, family, coworkers and professional acquaintances. All the other relationships in your life that have no connection or touchstone to that other you, that undeniable D/s side of you. Only one person knows you in this way. They are the only tenuous bridge you have between your heretofore compartmentalized D/s and vanilla selves, and the walls of those compartments are fast breaking down.
Oh yes, now this is becoming very complicated indeed. All those differences that had no meaning and relevance between the two of you in the course of passions expressed and desires fulfilled now seem more evident in the judgement of others. Perhaps it is economic status, education level, gender, ethnicity or a marked difference in age. What felt so right in private feels at times awkward and uncertain when being judged by others. You feel out of place, unsure, unable to explain what you feel and why this is so important to those in your vanilla existence. They just don’t understand that you want this, that you need this, that this is actually good for you; that this is actually in fact the real you.
Like Pandora’s curiosity when opening her earthen “box,” your pursuit of your desires have unleashed all manner of “evil” into the comfortable world of your vanilla relationships and they threaten all of the social norms and reference points those around you hold most dear. They may even threaten familial relations and perhaps even primary relationships. And like Pandora, you may hasten to close the lid but by now it is too late. All of the “evil” has escaped and your hearts, minds, bodies and spirits are caught up in the fast flowing current of this most vital relationship, seemingly sweeping you to your peril. This seems so impossible, like there can be no good end to it for anyone involved. You played with fire and surely you are going to be burned and likely drag others into the flames with you.
But there is a part of Pandora’s story that is often overlooked in the reference to the perils of opening her box. For after she opened the lid and all of the evil had been unleashed on the world, one thing remained nestled in the bottom; Elpis, the Spirit of Hope. For where there is challenge, uncertainty, and doubt, there is also hope. Hope for a brighter future. Hope that this fork in the road might lead to a wondrous place never even imagined. Should you stay on the familiar well-worn road or veer off into the unknown and follow a path that at best seems uncertain but that offers the potential of wonder and enchantment?
When contemplating these options, Robert Frost I think gives us the answer when he says, “I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012
Image Credit Unkown

Mixing Vanilla with the D/s Spice - Opening Pandora’s Box of the Heart

(With apologies in advance for all the shop-worn analogies and literary references)

So this was supposed to be simple, right? You met online, corresponded for months, perhaps even played little long-distance D/s games until the day eventually came when you decided to close the geographic gap and meet in person. You were two of the lucky ones. That first all-too-brief meeting not only went well, it was extraordinary. You clicked in person just as you had long-distance. Remarkably, that comfort level you felt with one another online translated seamlessly to an in-person relationship. It doesn’t happen for everyone; perhaps only a few. So you met again. And again. And again.

But still this was to be quiet and uncomplicated; a D/s relationship to augment distant and already full and committed lives. Something to fill the holes in an otherwise rewarding but separate existence. Meeting each other’s needs. Fulfilling each other’s unfulfilled desires. A perfect match. One’s Yin to the other’s Yang. Equal and opposite sides of the same coin. You just fit. Kneeling and standing. Dominance and submission. Worship and reverence.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the Forum. While you were busy cooking your BDSM gumbo, the scent of vanilla kept wafting up out of the pot. When was that ingredient added? Perhaps it had always been there. But with each new taste of D/s the flavor of vanilla grew stronger and stronger. Lines became blurred. The devotion to one another as Dominant and submissive took on a whole new dimension. You found yourself equally devoted to one another as people. The people the rest of the vanilla world knew. Simply put, you were falling for each other, and falling hard. What seemed so effortless and comfortable in private suddenly became complicated and uncertain. Differences and obstacles that felt so irrelevant in the sanctity of your secret D/s world showed more starkly in the harsh and sometimes judgmental glare of the rest of your vanilla lives.

Matters of the heart have intruded on an otherwise perfect and quiet D/s union. And yet they really didn’t intrude did they? You invited those feelings in and welcomed them with open arms. And now they are here and have moved in and taken up residence. Separation between your D/s relationship and all the other relationships in your life begin to evaporate. That famous paraphrased line by Beatrice Campbell comes to mind, “It doesn’t really matter what these affectionate people do, as long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses.” Only it’s not the horses you are worried about is it? No, it’s friends, family, coworkers and professional acquaintances. All the other relationships in your life that have no connection or touchstone to that other you, that undeniable D/s side of you. Only one person knows you in this way. They are the only tenuous bridge you have between your heretofore compartmentalized D/s and vanilla selves, and the walls of those compartments are fast breaking down.

Oh yes, now this is becoming very complicated indeed. All those differences that had no meaning and relevance between the two of you in the course of passions expressed and desires fulfilled now seem more evident in the judgement of others. Perhaps it is economic status, education level, gender, ethnicity or a marked difference in age. What felt so right in private feels at times awkward and uncertain when being judged by others. You feel out of place, unsure, unable to explain what you feel and why this is so important to those in your vanilla existence. They just don’t understand that you want this, that you need this, that this is actually good for you; that this is actually in fact the real you.

Like Pandora’s curiosity when opening her earthen “box,” your pursuit of your desires have unleashed all manner of “evil” into the comfortable world of your vanilla relationships and they threaten all of the social norms and reference points those around you hold most dear. They may even threaten familial relations and perhaps even primary relationships. And like Pandora, you may hasten to close the lid but by now it is too late. All of the “evil” has escaped and your hearts, minds, bodies and spirits are caught up in the fast flowing current of this most vital relationship, seemingly sweeping you to your peril. This seems so impossible, like there can be no good end to it for anyone involved. You played with fire and surely you are going to be burned and likely drag others into the flames with you.

But there is a part of Pandora’s story that is often overlooked in the reference to the perils of opening her box. For after she opened the lid and all of the evil had been unleashed on the world, one thing remained nestled in the bottom; Elpis, the Spirit of Hope. For where there is challenge, uncertainty, and doubt, there is also hope. Hope for a brighter future. Hope that this fork in the road might lead to a wondrous place never even imagined. Should you stay on the familiar well-worn road or veer off into the unknown and follow a path that at best seems uncertain but that offers the potential of wonder and enchantment?

When contemplating these options, Robert Frost I think gives us the answer when he says, “I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012

Image Credit Unkown

Posted 2 weeks ago
Dominant Traits
What do you look for in a Dom? Do you really know what Domination is? Have you ever seriously asked yourself these questions and have you ever actually sat down and made a list of the things you require from a Dom in order to make the most of your submission? My guess is that you have not or if you have it was a cursory look at best. Many submissives simply allow themselves to be swept along, for better or worse, in the currents of a Dom’s river and do not give much thought to what it is they truly need to flourish in their submissiveness. The answers, while different for everyone, may surprise you and likely have little or nothing to do with the images and stories seen on the Net.
Here is a short list of traits I have heard stated by various submissives who have given this considerable thought. It is by no means all-encompassing, and each person requires something different. I am sure there are many others but this might provide food for thought as you set about contemplating this for yourself.
Who Does a submissive Need?
** Someone who is in control of their own life and whose self-control, self-discipline and personal success serve as an example to live by
** Someone who displays honesty and integrity in other aspects of their life
** Someone who, despite their dominant tendencies, displays kindness, caring and compassion for others who have nothing to offer them
** Someone who is emotionally, physically and intellectually stronger yet remains open, accessible and respectful
** Someone who has sufficient life experience, knowledge and wisdom to be a mentor and teacher
** Someone who exerts their will over, and for the benefit and well being of a submissive and the well being of the relationship** Someone who demands nothing less than the best effort in all a submissive does** Someone who uses a submissive as a tool and canvas to quench their darkest desires** Someone who creates an atmosphere of safety and security** Someone who communicates and maintains well defined boundaries regarding accepted behavior** Someone who has the courage to be honest even when they know the reaction will be negative
** Someone who dedicates themselves to studying the craft of BDSM and makes the D/s relationship a priority in their life** Someone who enjoys leadership and thrives on being the one in control
** Someone who will make their submissive feel valued, treasured and needed
** Someone who provides and promotes discipline** Someone who readily communicates precisely what needs doing in order to be the best for them and satisfy all of their needs, sexually and otherwise** Someone who relishes pushing sensual and sexual boundaries taking their submissive to new levels and greater heights of sensation and experience
** Someone who is inquisitive enough to want to understand the needs and boundaries of a submissive
** Someone who will respect boundaries and limits without question or concern for personal safety
** Someone whose interests, boundaries and limits are largely compatible with their submissive
** Someone who wants to be in a D/s relationship every bit as much as the submissive
I encourage you to ponder these points, come up with your own list of needs and compare them to your Dom or any prospective Dom you may be contemplating serving. Do they have what it takes to be a good Dom for you? Will your needs be met by this person? Are they the one who will be best able to draw out and make the most of your submission?
Take the time and make the effort to assess your needs and find someone who can best meet them and your D/s journey will be far more rewarding than it might otherwise be.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012
Image Credit Unknown

Dominant Traits

What do you look for in a Dom? Do you really know what Domination is? Have you ever seriously asked yourself these questions and have you ever actually sat down and made a list of the things you require from a Dom in order to make the most of your submission? My guess is that you have not or if you have it was a cursory look at best. Many submissives simply allow themselves to be swept along, for better or worse, in the currents of a Dom’s river and do not give much thought to what it is they truly need to flourish in their submissiveness. The answers, while different for everyone, may surprise you and likely have little or nothing to do with the images and stories seen on the Net.

Here is a short list of traits I have heard stated by various submissives who have given this considerable thought. It is by no means all-encompassing, and each person requires something different. I am sure there are many others but this might provide food for thought as you set about contemplating this for yourself.

Who Does a submissive Need?

** Someone who is in control of their own life and whose self-control, self-discipline and personal success serve as an example to live by

** Someone who displays honesty and integrity in other aspects of their life

** Someone who, despite their dominant tendencies, displays kindness, caring and compassion for others who have nothing to offer them

** Someone who is emotionally, physically and intellectually stronger yet remains open, accessible and respectful

** Someone who has sufficient life experience, knowledge and wisdom to be a mentor and teacher

** Someone who exerts their will over, and for the benefit and well being of a submissive and the well being of the relationship

** Someone who demands nothing less than the best effort in all a submissive does

** Someone who uses a submissive as a tool and canvas to quench their darkest desires

** Someone who creates an atmosphere of safety and security

** Someone who communicates and maintains well defined boundaries regarding accepted behavior

** Someone who has the courage to be honest even when they know the reaction will be negative

** Someone who dedicates themselves to studying the craft of BDSM and makes the D/s relationship a priority in their life

** Someone who enjoys leadership and thrives on being the one in control

** Someone who will make their submissive feel valued, treasured and needed

** Someone who provides and promotes discipline

** Someone who readily communicates precisely what needs doing in order to be the best for them and satisfy all of their needs, sexually and otherwise

** Someone who relishes pushing sensual and sexual boundaries taking their submissive to new levels and greater heights of sensation and experience

** Someone who is inquisitive enough to want to understand the needs and boundaries of a submissive

** Someone who will respect boundaries and limits without question or concern for personal safety

** Someone whose interests, boundaries and limits are largely compatible with their submissive

** Someone who wants to be in a D/s relationship every bit as much as the submissive

I encourage you to ponder these points, come up with your own list of needs and compare them to your Dom or any prospective Dom you may be contemplating serving. Do they have what it takes to be a good Dom for you? Will your needs be met by this person? Are they the one who will be best able to draw out and make the most of your submission?

Take the time and make the effort to assess your needs and find someone who can best meet them and your D/s journey will be far more rewarding than it might otherwise be.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012

Image Credit Unknown

Posted 3 weeks ago
Sub Drop and Emotions in Committed D/s Relationships
Recently a follower asked about Sub Drop and whether it was possible to experience the effects without actually entering “subspace.” This set me to thinking about the emotional aspects of Sub Drop and how it plays into committed D/s relationships.
Sub Drop is a term used to describe the state of emotional and physical depression a submissive (and sometimes a Dom) can experience after a session. From a physiological standpoint, the intense feeling of euphoria followed by deep melancholy or even depression can be traced to the flood of endorphins released into the brain by the intense stimulation of mind and body during a play session followed by a sudden and rapid drop in those endorphins. The effect can be very much like sudden withdrawal from alcohol or drug dependency and can be very debilitating in extreme instances. While much of what is written about Sub Drop focuses on the physical aspects of BDSM play recovery, the emotional aspects of Sub Drop can be even more intense and potentially long-lasting if not cared for properly.
The sense of malaise and depression stemming from withdrawal from the endorphin spike and other hormones released during play can leave a subs’ body highly imbalanced with all sorts of attendant emotional and psychological ramifications. Some describe the feeling as being relatively mild similar to PMS, a hang over, or having partied too hard the night before with feelings of physical and mental depression lasting for only hours or at most a day or so. Many describe the reaction as just wanting to sleep it off. There are, however, more extreme forms when signs of Drop can be exhibited for weeks after an intense session. These signs can include crying and uncontrollable emotional outbursts, sadness, depression and anxiety. It is not uncommon to experience guilt or doubt about a session and the nature of what was enjoyed. Importantly, Sub Drop is observed more often in long-term and committed relationships than with casual partners.
Committed relationships tend to have a level of intimacy and even dependency that is not typically present in casual BDSM partners. This intimacy can at times feel threatened by the nature of BDSM play where Dominance, submission, punishment, challenge, and the like can lead to questioning the validity of love and intimacy heretofore enjoyed between the partners. Questions along the lines of “how could he do this to me if he loves me?” are quite natural. 
Another reason committed relationships can be fertile ground for Sub Drop is that the level of trust often developed between long-time partners can lead to edgier play where boundaries can be more throughly tested. No matter how strong the trust between partners, feelings of disbelief that something so perverted, kinky or dirty could be enjoyable can lead to self-doubt and guilt. These doubts then lead to fear, sadness, loneliness and questioning why anyone would want to engage in BDSM play in the first place. It doesn’t matter how consensual and desirable the actions were at the time, once the head space or subspace is over, in the postmortem of Sub Drop these questions can bring feelings of sadness, questioning, disbelief and even a feeling of betrayal by their partner. This is all very normal and something that every submissive and Dominant should be keenly aware of and prepared for.
These emotions are not limited solely to periods immediately following play. They can manifest themselves during the course of a scene and a Dom, as the responsible cognizant party, must be alert for any signs that his sub is “falling out” and be prepared to stop and immediately provide appropriate aftercare.
Aftercare is a topic of its own that I will cover in greater detail elsewhere, but one of the most important aspects of aftercare is to encourage a partner to open up and let the emotions out. Bottling up feelings and emotions is likely to only prolong any recovery period and may in fact defer any problems beyond the post-scene period and into the rest of the relationship. A Dominant partner should be immediately warm, embracing, loving, accepting, reassuring, nurturing and encouraging. He should allow the sub to recover at her own pace but keep the lines of communication open. Encourage her to talk about her feelings and reassure her that it is normal to feel this way. Above all, he should let her know how much she is valued, treasured, respected, and perhaps most importantly that she has in no way let her Dom down or displeased him in any way.
Sub Drop aftercare is the time when roles must be completely reversed. A Dom must now return all the energy his sub has so freely given to him in the form of comfort, reassurance and love. Sub Drop is a clear and present sign that the battery has been drained completely and it is the number one job of the Dominant to do everything he can to help recharge that battery to its full and powerful state, no matter how much energy or how long it takes.
Give back everything that has been taken and more. It will be given over and over again in return.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012
Image © LordShroud

Sub Drop and Emotions in Committed D/s Relationships

Recently a follower asked about Sub Drop and whether it was possible to experience the effects without actually entering “subspace.” This set me to thinking about the emotional aspects of Sub Drop and how it plays into committed D/s relationships.

Sub Drop is a term used to describe the state of emotional and physical depression a submissive (and sometimes a Dom) can experience after a session. From a physiological standpoint, the intense feeling of euphoria followed by deep melancholy or even depression can be traced to the flood of endorphins released into the brain by the intense stimulation of mind and body during a play session followed by a sudden and rapid drop in those endorphins. The effect can be very much like sudden withdrawal from alcohol or drug dependency and can be very debilitating in extreme instances. While much of what is written about Sub Drop focuses on the physical aspects of BDSM play recovery, the emotional aspects of Sub Drop can be even more intense and potentially long-lasting if not cared for properly.

The sense of malaise and depression stemming from withdrawal from the endorphin spike and other hormones released during play can leave a subs’ body highly imbalanced with all sorts of attendant emotional and psychological ramifications. Some describe the feeling as being relatively mild similar to PMS, a hang over, or having partied too hard the night before with feelings of physical and mental depression lasting for only hours or at most a day or so. Many describe the reaction as just wanting to sleep it off. There are, however, more extreme forms when signs of Drop can be exhibited for weeks after an intense session. These signs can include crying and uncontrollable emotional outbursts, sadness, depression and anxiety. It is not uncommon to experience guilt or doubt about a session and the nature of what was enjoyed. Importantly, Sub Drop is observed more often in long-term and committed relationships than with casual partners.

Committed relationships tend to have a level of intimacy and even dependency that is not typically present in casual BDSM partners. This intimacy can at times feel threatened by the nature of BDSM play where Dominance, submission, punishment, challenge, and the like can lead to questioning the validity of love and intimacy heretofore enjoyed between the partners. Questions along the lines of “how could he do this to me if he loves me?” are quite natural. 

Another reason committed relationships can be fertile ground for Sub Drop is that the level of trust often developed between long-time partners can lead to edgier play where boundaries can be more throughly tested. No matter how strong the trust between partners, feelings of disbelief that something so perverted, kinky or dirty could be enjoyable can lead to self-doubt and guilt. These doubts then lead to fear, sadness, loneliness and questioning why anyone would want to engage in BDSM play in the first place. It doesn’t matter how consensual and desirable the actions were at the time, once the head space or subspace is over, in the postmortem of Sub Drop these questions can bring feelings of sadness, questioning, disbelief and even a feeling of betrayal by their partner. This is all very normal and something that every submissive and Dominant should be keenly aware of and prepared for.

These emotions are not limited solely to periods immediately following play. They can manifest themselves during the course of a scene and a Dom, as the responsible cognizant party, must be alert for any signs that his sub is “falling out” and be prepared to stop and immediately provide appropriate aftercare.

Aftercare is a topic of its own that I will cover in greater detail elsewhere, but one of the most important aspects of aftercare is to encourage a partner to open up and let the emotions out. Bottling up feelings and emotions is likely to only prolong any recovery period and may in fact defer any problems beyond the post-scene period and into the rest of the relationship. A Dominant partner should be immediately warm, embracing, loving, accepting, reassuring, nurturing and encouraging. He should allow the sub to recover at her own pace but keep the lines of communication open. Encourage her to talk about her feelings and reassure her that it is normal to feel this way. Above all, he should let her know how much she is valued, treasured, respected, and perhaps most importantly that she has in no way let her Dom down or displeased him in any way.

Sub Drop aftercare is the time when roles must be completely reversed. A Dom must now return all the energy his sub has so freely given to him in the form of comfort, reassurance and love. Sub Drop is a clear and present sign that the battery has been drained completely and it is the number one job of the Dominant to do everything he can to help recharge that battery to its full and powerful state, no matter how much energy or how long it takes.

Give back everything that has been taken and more. It will be given over and over again in return.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012

Image © LordShroud

Posted 3 weeks ago
Tension
I love this moment; when submission has already been granted, and control already taken. And yet there is a necessary pause. A break in the continuum of the night from our vanilla selves to the darkly sensing beings we are to become. A time to absorb and savor. Breathing in each other’s essence. Drawing upon each other’s power. A pause to marvel at the aura of beauty, sensuality and need glowing ever brighter between us. Each passing second of inaction only serving to heighten our awareness, our power, our craving. Winding the clock spring ever tighter toward its inevitable breaking point. That point where we unleash the full fury of the power that is us.
But just now, for what seems like an eternity, we revel in the mounting tension.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012
Image Credit Unknown

Tension

I love this moment; when submission has already been granted, and control already taken. And yet there is a necessary pause. A break in the continuum of the night from our vanilla selves to the darkly sensing beings we are to become. A time to absorb and savor. Breathing in each other’s essence. Drawing upon each other’s power. A pause to marvel at the aura of beauty, sensuality and need glowing ever brighter between us. Each passing second of inaction only serving to heighten our awareness, our power, our craving. Winding the clock spring ever tighter toward its inevitable breaking point. That point where we unleash the full fury of the power that is us.

But just now, for what seems like an eternity, we revel in the mounting tension.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012

Image Credit Unknown

Posted 3 weeks ago
See What I See
Look upon yourself and see what I see. Observe the strong and beautiful woman that I perceive as opposed to the collection of “imperfections” and differences you obsess over. See the whole, not the parts or even the sum of the parts. You are not an opportunity for change and improvement but a work of art, perfect in your own right, open to interpretation and appreciation by the beholder.
I, your Sir, am the beholder; see what I see.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012
Image Credit Unknown

See What I See

Look upon yourself and see what I see. Observe the strong and beautiful woman that I perceive as opposed to the collection of “imperfections” and differences you obsess over. See the whole, not the parts or even the sum of the parts. You are not an opportunity for change and improvement but a work of art, perfect in your own right, open to interpretation and appreciation by the beholder.

I, your Sir, am the beholder; see what I see.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012

Image Credit Unknown

Posted 3 weeks ago
dominantstateofmind:

When a Dominant Kneels

1.  It sucks for him;
2.  It really sucks for him, but much is learned;
3. It makes a man a better Dom.
     I am not easy on my knees.  I don’t like kneeling, I’m a man – I’m a Dominant man.  While not fanatical about it, I don’t even like sitting in the presence of a group of women.  I’m not even usually aware of this instinctive tendency to assume a dominant posture.   Not long ago I was out with a girlfriend and her friends at plush swimming pool.  They, eventually, all moved from the pool to low level lounge chairs to tan and I remained standing. Noticing this posture, my girlfriend – who understands D/s and power exchange – asked why I would not “lay out” with them.   There are a number of possible answers and perhaps under the right circumstances I would “lay” with a group of women (actually I’ve no doubt of it).   Still, in this circumstance I became keenly aware that as a Dominant male, my posture in many ways embodies my sense of power and place.  I stand dominant instinctively. I give my chair to women on buses and crowded bars.  I sit with my back to a wall whenever possible. I own my space, my power, and my position.  Kneeling, it goes without saying, is a posture I’d rather reserve for a willing submissive woman.
       Still, the last year has taught me much about kneeling – literally and figuratively – and it has not been a lesson lost on me.   In some circles of the D/s community, a man aspiring to become a Dominant Master is required to be submissive to a Dom as part of his training.  I’m not part of those circles, yet I do believe – I have come to learn as a part of my journey - that a good Dominant does know and understand what it is to be submissive.   In this most difficult year I have learned that the Universe, in Her eternal wisdom, has a way of “humbling” and “objectifying” a man as a part of his training much the way a Dom “humbles” and “objectifies” a submissive as a part of her training.  I don’t like it.  It’s not natural for me.  It is not my nature to be submissive.   Kneeling sucks.
      What I have learned through being humbled, and having to fall on my knees in obedience and prayer to the Universe (God) is that necessary reminder that a man, even a Dominant man, cannot control everything – even those things he is used to controlling – always.  We all answer to some power higher than ourselves.  We can go kicking and screaming and fighting and trying to top our “superior” the best we know how, but ultimately, there will be surrender as we come to know our limits and dependency on another.  I am, it turns out, not an all-powerful god.  I am, it turns out, not the all-powerful god a submissive wants me to be sometimes.  So I learn patience.  I learn discipline.  I learn how to kneel and quietly wait for my “higher power” to provide the answers I so desperately need.  I learn to confess my sins and weaknesses and (the Dominant shudders) my dependency.
       In truth, I have not submitted easily, but I am grateful to the Universe for training me in submission.  I’m sure there will be more lessons.  I am grateful for the better man I have become just as I would want any submissive to be grateful for the woman I am helping her become.  I am grateful because it reminds me how she may feel and struggle and resist.  I am grateful because it reminds me just how important it is to recognize her when she perseveres and succeeds in obedience to my will.  It reminds me, if I was ever tempted to forget, that she needs to be praised and nurtured and cared for and respected for her submission. 
      My season of “kneeling” (I still won’t comfortably call it submission) has made me a better man and I will be a better Dominant to my next submissive for the experience.  I share this experience with those who are Dominants because it is crucial for us to remember our limitations.  We will be humbled.  The Universe will write “MINE” across our hairy asses to put us in our place.  And thank God.  Humility is as necessary for us as it is for a submissive if we are to grow - no matter how tall we already stand or how powerfully we own our space. 
     I also share this experience as a warning to those women I love – the submissives I have been honored with before.  They sure as hell better choose to submit to a Dom who can kneel at the feet of something higher.    They deserve THAT kind Dom, and if they settle for less,  … well, let’s just say I can –and will - still crack a whip.   
Play safely and love well
Steven
copyright:  Dominant State of Mind

dominantstateofmind:

When a Dominant Kneels

1.  It sucks for him;

2.  It really sucks for him, but much is learned;

3. It makes a man a better Dom.

     I am not easy on my knees.  I don’t like kneeling, I’m a man – I’m a Dominant man.  While not fanatical about it, I don’t even like sitting in the presence of a group of women.  I’m not even usually aware of this instinctive tendency to assume a dominant posture.   Not long ago I was out with a girlfriend and her friends at plush swimming pool.  They, eventually, all moved from the pool to low level lounge chairs to tan and I remained standing. Noticing this posture, my girlfriend – who understands D/s and power exchange – asked why I would not “lay out” with them.   There are a number of possible answers and perhaps under the right circumstances I would “lay” with a group of women (actually I’ve no doubt of it).   Still, in this circumstance I became keenly aware that as a Dominant male, my posture in many ways embodies my sense of power and place.  I stand dominant instinctively. I give my chair to women on buses and crowded bars.  I sit with my back to a wall whenever possible. I own my space, my power, and my position.  Kneeling, it goes without saying, is a posture I’d rather reserve for a willing submissive woman.

       Still, the last year has taught me much about kneeling – literally and figuratively – and it has not been a lesson lost on me.   In some circles of the D/s community, a man aspiring to become a Dominant Master is required to be submissive to a Dom as part of his training.  I’m not part of those circles, yet I do believe – I have come to learn as a part of my journey - that a good Dominant does know and understand what it is to be submissive.   In this most difficult year I have learned that the Universe, in Her eternal wisdom, has a way of “humbling” and “objectifying” a man as a part of his training much the way a Dom “humbles” and “objectifies” a submissive as a part of her training.  I don’t like it.  It’s not natural for me.  It is not my nature to be submissive.   Kneeling sucks.

      What I have learned through being humbled, and having to fall on my knees in obedience and prayer to the Universe (God) is that necessary reminder that a man, even a Dominant man, cannot control everything – even those things he is used to controlling – always.  We all answer to some power higher than ourselves.  We can go kicking and screaming and fighting and trying to top our “superior” the best we know how, but ultimately, there will be surrender as we come to know our limits and dependency on another.  I am, it turns out, not an all-powerful god.  I am, it turns out, not the all-powerful god a submissive wants me to be sometimes.  So I learn patience.  I learn discipline.  I learn how to kneel and quietly wait for my “higher power” to provide the answers I so desperately need.  I learn to confess my sins and weaknesses and (the Dominant shudders) my dependency.

       In truth, I have not submitted easily, but I am grateful to the Universe for training me in submission.  I’m sure there will be more lessons.  I am grateful for the better man I have become just as I would want any submissive to be grateful for the woman I am helping her become.  I am grateful because it reminds me how she may feel and struggle and resist.  I am grateful because it reminds me just how important it is to recognize her when she perseveres and succeeds in obedience to my will.  It reminds me, if I was ever tempted to forget, that she needs to be praised and nurtured and cared for and respected for her submission. 

      My season of “kneeling” (I still won’t comfortably call it submission) has made me a better man and I will be a better Dominant to my next submissive for the experience.  I share this experience with those who are Dominants because it is crucial for us to remember our limitations.  We will be humbled.  The Universe will write “MINE” across our hairy asses to put us in our place.  And thank God.  Humility is as necessary for us as it is for a submissive if we are to grow - no matter how tall we already stand or how powerfully we own our space. 

     I also share this experience as a warning to those women I love – the submissives I have been honored with before.  They sure as hell better choose to submit to a Dom who can kneel at the feet of something higher.    They deserve THAT kind Dom, and if they settle for less,  … well, let’s just say I can –and will - still crack a whip.   

Play safely and love well

Steven

copyright:  Dominant State of Mind